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My hairline is receding and I’m going gray.

38 lessons from 13,952 days on earth, plus a terrifying air-quality story from DHH and why I finally caved on executive recruiters.

By me3 min read

Hey everyone,

If you're new here, welcome to Never Enough, where I brain dump interesting stuff that has been on my mind over the last week.

My hairline is receding and I’m going gray. For the first time in my life, I’m feeling…old. At 38, I’m around my life’s halfway point and I decided to reflect back on some lessons I’ve learned over the past 38 years.

Here’s a list of 38 things I’ve learned in the last 13,952 days of my life so far:

1. If you’re nice to someone, they’ll probably be nice back.

2. Criticizing someone’s ideas will only cause them to double down.

3. Find out what someone loves to talk about, then ask them questions about it. They will light up.

4. People generally do what they’re incentivized to do.

5. If someone seems upset, repeat back what they just said. They will usually calm down.

6. Don’t let people you dislike give you gifts or do favors for you. You’ll feel like you owe them something and end up inadvertently helping them.

7. Everyone is too busy thinking about themselves to notice the pimple on your nose.

8. Every time you say something out loud, your brain pounds it in a little further. Be careful what you say.

9. If someone gossips with you, they’re probably gossiping about you with others.

10. Everyone other than your closest friends and family subconsciously want to see you fall in the mud. It’s not intentional, it’s human nature: the nail that sticks up gets hammered down.

11. Don’t tell, storytell.

12. You will want the things your ten closest friends want. Choose friends accordingly.

13. The things with the greatest mental payoff are generally the same things that would have made a hunter gatherer happy: exercise, being in nature, laughing with friends, sex and companionship, eating delicious food, focusing on a task, watching your kids play.

14. Humility always wins over extravagance. Don’t count your poker chips at the table.

15. Nobody wants to hear about how bad your day is going.

16. Be nice to people on your way up. You might meet them again on your way down.

17. Half of having friends is just being reliable. Say “yes” at least 70% of the time. Be on time. Respond to texts and calls.

18. Leave some money on the table. You don’t need the last dollar.

19. Want to get invited to cool parties and dinners? Host them.

20. Beware of people who are rude to waiters and service staff.

21. Email people you admire. Sometimes they’ll respond and good things will happen.

22. The best way to avoid mistakes is to read about the mistakes of others.

23. Planning is usually just guessing.

24. Bad sleep, bad life.

25. Never expect people to change. They rarely do.

26. Alcohol and drugs are like an elastic band. The harder you pull it up, the harder it will whip back down the other way and hurt you.

27. Think of psychopaths and narcissists like poisonous spiders. You don’t want them anywhere near you, especially not your bedroom.

28. Take off your sunglasses when you meet people.

29. Always default to picking up the bill, especially if you can afford it.

30. Whales only get harpooned when they surface. If you don’t want to get harpooned, stay quiet.

31. Ideas are like tiny embers. They require immediate oxygen to turn into a fire. Take action.

32. Don’t judge old people for having views you disagree with. In a few decades, your liberal views will seem conservative, and that will be you.

33. Going back thousands of years, every generation thinks the next generation is weak and the world is doomed. Keep that in mind when you read the news.

34. When a child is upset, get down to their level, validate their feelings, and touch their face with the palm of your hand. Works with adults too.

35. When writing emails, less is always more. Most people don’t read past the first sentence. If worried about appearing too brusque, use a smiley face :-)

36. Every personal strength is shadowed by a corresponding weakness. In yourself and others. Accept and work with this.

37. There’s no such thing as problems, only people problems.

38. The days are long, but the years are short. Especially with kids.

Saved for posterity on Twitter, here.

A few years ago, Basecamp’s David Heinemeier Hansson shared a terrifying story about an incredibly boring but scary thing nobody thinks about. He built his dream house, and a few days after moving in, his wife started feeling violently ill then collapsed. They soon learned that she was suffering from severe formaldehyde poisoning...

Read the full essay →

I used to hate executive recruiters and refused to use them. Why would I pay someone $60,000 to connect me with an employee I could find myself on LinkedIn?

But I was wrong. Recruiters can be a tremendous asset. Here’s why.

When you run a business, you’re distracted. And most entrepreneurs are like me, high pace, distracted, and trying to put out fires...

Read the full essay →

That’s all for this week…but one more thing. If you’re enjoying this, can you do me a favor and forward it to a friend? Thanks.

-Andrew

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Andrew · Victoria · April 1, 2024

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Never Enough by Andrew Wilkinson

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320 pages on why having a lot didn’t fix anything. Out now in hardcover, ebook, and audiobook narrated by yours truly.

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